Social Skill Development in Toddlers

Social skill development in toddlers is complex! It’s affected by all kinds of things, from social exposure to environmental factors, like the pandemic. And, a big part of social skill development comes from the way each toddler is naturally wired. 

In this post, we’ll teach you how to encourage your toddler’s social skill development. Regardless of their disposition, the year they were born, or whether or not there was a pandemic going on at the time! 😅

Social Skill Development in Pandemic Babies

The pandemic has caused an increase in the number of families reaching out to us concerned about their toddler’s social skills. A lot of pandemic babies have only ever interacted with a small, selective group of people, so it makes sense that parents are concerned! 

We want you to keep in mind that while there may have been some effects on your toddler, their social skill development isn’t solely a result of them having lived through the pandemic. All kids are wired differently. Some are naturally cautious observers who take a while to warm up in new environments and may want to watch their peers before feeling confident enough to participate. Others are more inclined to take risks! They jump right in and are always looking for opportunities to interact with peers. One isn’t superior to the other, they’re just different. Whether your child is shy, quiet, energetic, or outgoing, there’s a good chance they would have been that way regardless!

Typical Toddler Social Skills & Struggles

No matter your toddler’s personality, there are some facets of social skill development we expect all children to exhibit—or struggle with—during toddlerhood.

• Toddlers frustrate easily. There’s a pull between wanting to be independent and needing assistance from caregivers.

• Toddlers defend their possessions. (Pandemic or no pandemic, sharing is always hard!)

• Toddlers imitate things they see their peers doing, like stacking blocks, feeding a stuffed animal, or throwing a ball.

• Toddlers like to show caregivers things they notice or are interested in by pointing or bringing objects to them.

• Toddlers say no (or “Noooooooo!!” or “NO MORE” or “No no no! No! No!”) quite often.

• Toddlers ask for help. If they aren’t asking for help with a spoken word, they might indicate the need for assistance with gestures.

• Toddlers use greetings like “hi” and “bye”.

• Toddlers follow directions. (Well, they are capable of following directions. Whether or not they choose to follow them, though? That’s hit and miss!)

• Toddlers naturally see adults as play partners before they include peers. Around two years old, they become interested in other kids, but only demonstrate parallel play, which means playing next to another child or doing their own thing side by side. It’s not until closer to four years old that we see them playing with others in a way that demonstrates interest in the activity and the other children who are involved! These changes will happen naturally as your child moves through the stages of play development.

How To Help Your Toddler Develop Social Skills

Thinking you’d like to help encourage your toddler’s social skill development? We think that’s great! Because while most toddlers tend to move through the developmental milestones quite easily, what you do at home with them does matter and can help. Here’s what we recommend doing:

#1 Regulate Your Emotions

First, check in on your own emotions. At this stage in development, toddlers need to borrow a lot of their emotional regulation from us. And since a lot of the “work” of helping your child develop often happens when they’re struggling, your regulation will be key. You’ll have more success and see much better outcomes if you can stay calm while they start to lose it—especially compared to having a big emotional reaction to their struggle. Just remember to give yourself grace with this one. The ability to regulate emotions is a long game for our toddlers. Heck, a lot of us are still working on regulating our emotions as adults!

These parental mental health podcasts can be a big help with navigating the ups and downs parenthood brings us each day.

#2 Model, Model, Model

You are your child’s first and best teacher. They learn from watching you! So model, model, model the behaviors you hope they’ll soon demonstrate. Here are some examples:

• Greet people at the park with an enthusiastic, “Hi, how are you?!” 

• Model asking others to play, like this: “Olivia, do you want to use the purple shovel? You can use this bucket too!”

• Model sharing with language like “Charlie, can Neha have a turn when you’re finished with the swing?”

#3 Choose Curiosity Over Judgment

Approaching the scuffles and conflicts of toddlerhood with curiosity rather than judgment can take you so far. As Janet Lansbury, one of our favorite people to turn to for respectful parenting advice, says, “judgment creates shame, erodes confidence, and fuels the undesirable behavior by giving it negative attention.”

If you’d like to learn more about this gentler approach to toddler parenting and discipline, we recommend starting with Janet Lansbury’s blog post on helping toddlers resolve conflict.

#4 Provide Social Opportunities

Look for opportunities for peer interaction whenever possible. Your toddler won’t always play with others even if they’re in the same place, but the exposure will help them to feel more comfortable around other kids.

#5 Give Your Toddler The Words

Give your little one the words for the feelings they seem to be having, and point out others’ facial expressions at home, in books, and while out in the world. Like this:

“You didn’t like it when you had to wait your turn. Waiting is hard!”

“Oh, the girl looks sad! I think she’s sad because she lost her ball.”

“That boy looks so excited that a butterfly landed right next to him!” 

This will help your toddler develop awareness and meaning, which will likely to translate into empathy as they mature.

Related: 5 Ways Reading Supports Social-Emotional Learning

Try Not To Overreact To “Bad” Toddler Behavior

Social skills take time to develop. Your toddler is learning and growing all the time, so try to stay calm when they struggle to demonstrate what society deems as “socially acceptable” social skills.     

And, we know it’s tough, but avoid going down the rabbit hole of thinking, “Oh my goodness, they are never going to have friends or hold a job if they act like this as an adult!” It’s completely normal to see more of the less-desirable behaviors at this age, and even toddlers who struggle more with social interactions grow up to be adults capable of socialization and self-regulation. This is a small frame of development and we promise, it gets better! If you look for it, you’ll see that your toddler is making progress every day.

That said, if at any point you feel concerned that your toddler is struggling more than you’d expect for their age, you may want to reach out to your pediatrician. A local developmental psychologist, speech-language pathologist, or occupational therapist would be a great resource, too. Remember that you’re not alone and that support is available.

Toddler Communication Milestones

Social skill and communication development often intersect! If you’d love to better understand the skills your toddler currently has and the ones you can realistically expect them to develop next, our toddler talking milestones are for you. They’ll give you clarity and a developmental “roadmap” to follow along with!